Sometimes life gets away from you
and before you know it you’ve been married for 7 years and married to the Navy
for almost just as long. You’ve been through countless Dets and are on your 3rd
deployment. Somewhere along the way you stop and think, “How did it all fly by
so quickly?” and that’s when you realize all the happiness, madness, and just
life you’ve experienced in just 7 years.
Looking back I remember when we
first joined, and yes I say we because we were married before he went to boot
camp, and how confused I was about, well, everything. I did not have any clue
what a BAH was or what the difference was between base pay and special pay. I
did not know what a peanut butter uniform was nor how to shine shoes. I had no
idea how to circumnavigate this thing called “TRICARE” or what Prime or Standard meant.
No all I knew was that I loved my
husband whom I now call my sailor, my love, my explorer, and most of all, my
gift from God. I never knew the challenges we would face being married to the
Navy. I never expected to go the route our life has taken us…but I would never
change it for the world. When we got married I thought it would be different
than it was because I was all too familiar with how the Air Force did things.
My friends who were in the AF were home often and worked normalish shifts.
Eye opener! The Navy was NOTHING
like the AF and more closely related to insanity. When we first joined hubby
did his boot camp thing and then came home but only to have to stay in the
barracks because he wasn’t yet allowed to live off base even though we were
married. Since most of his schools were in the state in which we grew up in I
stayed in our hometown going about my daily life working and visiting friends.
I kept dreaming that one day he
would be allowed to finally come live with me and we could be married and happy. We spent countless
weekends driving ridiculous hours just to see each other for a short while.
Once that day finally came he was never home but training day in and day out
trying to be the best sailor possible. Then he broke a bone in his foot…
They then uprooted him from our home
and sent him to a new school that required perfect vision knowing very well
that his was slightly off. Then we got tossed into a whirlwind of what do we do
now because the Navy counted that as his second school. Freaking out he went to
a higher up and spoke with him and, thankfully due to his awesomeness, he
squeezed him into the flight engineer program! With the warning “You better be
first in your class!” and sure enough 9ish months later hubby graduated top in
his class.
Thankfully we had someone show us
kindness when we first started our journey or our lives would have gone a
completely different way. Thankfully God steered my husband on this journey
because, even though it is chaotic, he loves it and if it makes him happy I’m
happy as well. We were so blessed to be dropped into this aircrew community and
into this wonderful state. Shortly after he graduated we were told to get to
the other side of the country in 6 days to report.
Needless
to say we made it in 7 due to inclement weather. But what a journey we had
getting here and we both saw more of this country in those 6 days, ooops I mean
7, than we had ever done before. Also, we discovered a state that we love and
might want to retire in one day. Somewhere along the way we discovered I have
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome a very evil disorder that makes it difficult to
conceive.
In
a community surrounded by reproduction it has made us the outcasts, in a way, in
our community. Events that our command has held only brought heartache from
time to time. Rude encounters with people who do not understand drove me, at
one point, to be a recluse from the Navy community and almost despise it.
However, one instance stood out and I’m somewhat thankful it occurred. One
Family Readiness Group leader had said some harsh words on how it was “Not my
fault that you do not have children” and this forever scarred me because I had
just had a miscarriage.
However,
it was this one mean instance that encouraged me to join our FRG when there was
an opening to be an advocate for others like me or for those spouses who were
just married but did not have children. Boy am I glad I did because since I’ve
joined people have opened up within our command and it has flourished. We have
such an amazing group of women leading these spouses to connect and become
active that this deployment has not been nearly as bad.
In
our 3rd deployment I can finally say I can do this and it has not
mattered that each deployment has brought on one extra month each go. It has
not mattered that each home cycle has had more and more dets. I have them and
they have me and while it is not an Army Wives episode it is nice to know you
are a part of a community; of something that is more than just you. But a
community that you can rely on and I only hope that every spouse has the good
experience I have had this deployment.
It
is not about the fact that bad things happen while your spouse is gone but that
you normally have them to help you through them. I look back and I used to
focus on the negatives of deployment, this broke and that is not working
properly. However, these things happen when my sailor is home too. It is how
you handle them that makes you stronger. Let’s just say this deployment my
sailors truck has died, the kitchen lights have gone out, the smoke detectors
have gone off again, my father was in the hospital yet again, our microwave
died, and I had major health issues that lasted a month.
You
cannot focus on the negatives of that because these things have happened when
my sailor was home I don’t even know how many times. What you can focus on is
that you overcome it time and time again. It is rewarding because you did it by
yourself or you had the wits to get help when you needed to! I live by the
reward of bettering myself while my sailor is gone because my sailor deserves
the best me I can be!
So
three deployments down, I don’t even know how many dets, a total of about 4
years apart in our 7 years of marriage, two bachelors degrees and an almost
masters degree, and I can definitely say I’ve worked on bettering myself. I am
proud of who I’ve become and now we will start the journey of In Vetro
Fertilization when my husband finally comes home to me yet again for, what feels
like, the millionth time in our 7 years of marriage. Will we be parents? Only
time, and the Navy hahaha, will tell…..
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